Out for excursion ,
I'm dottin , too blank ..........................................
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
July 15. 12. 01am
Today I lost the loss of thinking ,
My eyes are static maybe due to lack of sleep ,
Feels like there's violence in them.
I want to sleep but am too cold to
I can't sleep , there's an emptiness ....
Since last night there hasn't been a word between the two ,
Its all silent , my thinking is half empty ,
I try to imagine of the prince of darkness but am masked from creativeness.
This Man from above must surely be hiding my brain-cum-mind voodoo doll.
My spirit must have gone sour.
I need to think of the devil , see of him in my thoughts.
If he lived anywhere it must be with the twins ,
This why I never walk alone ,
They must have exorcized him out of ...
The world is not going round anymore , the walls seem still
Wish the worlds collide like they used to , am missing the obsession of it.
How can I resurrect it ? How do I ?
If I survive this i' ll burn candles with angel feathers.
If only I can make I strike.
This Being is after me ,
I never want His beliefs.
My akbar thoughts are euphemism to my religion , swallow dozen roses but still you won't get my twins !
There has to be a reunion to the daily continual wars of the twins. ...p..
....p........................',','....'.'.'.'.'.'.'...'.'...............'........'...............
.................. ,..............'.........'
One.
My eyes are static maybe due to lack of sleep ,
Feels like there's violence in them.
I want to sleep but am too cold to
I can't sleep , there's an emptiness ....
Since last night there hasn't been a word between the two ,
Its all silent , my thinking is half empty ,
I try to imagine of the prince of darkness but am masked from creativeness.
This Man from above must surely be hiding my brain-cum-mind voodoo doll.
My spirit must have gone sour.
I need to think of the devil , see of him in my thoughts.
If he lived anywhere it must be with the twins ,
This why I never walk alone ,
They must have exorcized him out of ...
The world is not going round anymore , the walls seem still
Wish the worlds collide like they used to , am missing the obsession of it.
How can I resurrect it ? How do I ?
If I survive this i' ll burn candles with angel feathers.
If only I can make I strike.
This Being is after me ,
I never want His beliefs.
My akbar thoughts are euphemism to my religion , swallow dozen roses but still you won't get my twins !
There has to be a reunion to the daily continual wars of the twins. ...p..
....p........................',','....'.'.'.'.'.'.'...'.'...............'........'...............
.................. ,..............'.........'
One.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
July 14. 3. 48 am.
Today they've brought a woman to talk to ,
Therapy. -how I think, how I see she wants to know ,
My brain could never talk to to my mind ,
The heart, the mediater couldn't get them to converse either.
How now can I lay my troubled thoughts to she ?
She's persistent , insists she can be patient enough till I'm ready to open up.
I smile stupid at the idea , certain she'll cave....
This room , therapy room , is colourful the seats comfy.
She looks directly at I.
I try to teleport in my mind to a place of serenity. Still she stares.
Feels like I can blow up.
I get touchy - am reaching to everything close by.
She says its the first step to opening up. She starts writing scribbling her clip board...:
I envy her , her poise she s collected, calm all this time.
'Talk you to me before you wreck yourself ' , she utters.
A wreck I must be. Why else would I be confined here?
Stilll am convinced of my ideologiê _ I'm good at facing myself. Often I think before I do , look ahead before commitment. ... But now am talking to her. Can't tell why but am answering to her at the moment ....p
The dialogue feels like a refill
I blur out a bit ,
There's some clarity , like I've been drinking again only now am sober.
What has she done , have I teleported through my mind to this quiet state?
My thoughts , the divine enemies are not in position. Am not bullied anymore. For the moment am clean , at peace.
Is it she , or has the Person above manned up to aid His creation ?
For a moment the twins relate , their sister is proud.
Hope tomorrow won't be a repeat of yester but of this moment , still can't sleep but atleast the siblings share a meal.
July 14. 2. 01 am.
......p..p......p......
One.
Therapy. -how I think, how I see she wants to know ,
My brain could never talk to to my mind ,
The heart, the mediater couldn't get them to converse either.
How now can I lay my troubled thoughts to she ?
She's persistent , insists she can be patient enough till I'm ready to open up.
I smile stupid at the idea , certain she'll cave....
This room , therapy room , is colourful the seats comfy.
She looks directly at I.
I try to teleport in my mind to a place of serenity. Still she stares.
Feels like I can blow up.
I get touchy - am reaching to everything close by.
She says its the first step to opening up. She starts writing scribbling her clip board...:
I envy her , her poise she s collected, calm all this time.
'Talk you to me before you wreck yourself ' , she utters.
A wreck I must be. Why else would I be confined here?
Stilll am convinced of my ideologiê _ I'm good at facing myself. Often I think before I do , look ahead before commitment. ... But now am talking to her. Can't tell why but am answering to her at the moment ....p
The dialogue feels like a refill
I blur out a bit ,
There's some clarity , like I've been drinking again only now am sober.
What has she done , have I teleported through my mind to this quiet state?
My thoughts , the divine enemies are not in position. Am not bullied anymore. For the moment am clean , at peace.
Is it she , or has the Person above manned up to aid His creation ?
For a moment the twins relate , their sister is proud.
Hope tomorrow won't be a repeat of yester but of this moment , still can't sleep but atleast the siblings share a meal.
July 14. 2. 01 am.
......p..p......p......
One.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
July 13 , 1 .00 am ...
Checkin in rehab.
They keep tellin that I got it all in my head , they say its time of it to go -> the infatuation, the obsessions , the addictions , the confusion ...
Maybe its time for 'these' to go.
To be casted out till I got better had been coming.
They are fed up with the promises , the lies , the lack of belief. The decision is unanimous ~ rehabilitation for a month.
The feeling is hopeless , sad , _ feel pinned to the wall. Days will surely be darker.
They look convinced in their decision , . .
Can't lift my face to face the sky , it droops to the ground.
Thoughts are endless, non-conforming.
I used to be strong , atleast I thought I used to be.
Couldn't tell them bye, can't say a word till now.
For once I don't look to tomorrow , this walls will be my company.
Atleast I have my Blackberry for the moment.
Am afraid of the usual bouts between my brain and the mind.
And I hate it when the heart acts the peacemaker.
The heart suffers the more its quite weak.
They don't give me a pen , can't jot down the fight between the two , I'm sure to be more disturbed , more to think of it which is the reason of my seclusion.
My fingers always plaiting my afro , the best they can do.
I hope I could wonder if I'd be clean in the 4 weeks of rehab.
Obviously I need to be clean before commencement of the upcoming academic year.
Maybe I won't be thinking of it , won't be obsessed of it.
These twins , the brain and the mind should think alike and help their younger sister be hardy.
I can't afford to foretell what is to be but now I pity my heart, the arena to the battle øf the twins.
Posters on the walls read ' notice of eviction ' referring to 'it' in me.
I used to love sleep now am insomniac.
I never felt cold today I feeze continually.
Thoughts used to be clear, vivid now I struggle to hold a thought.
Its July 13 now 1. 31 am. Time's draggy.
I try to think positive , can't sit down I don't believe in this idea of they holding me in a cubicle for the month.
Wasn't born a champion, neither a believer but the crisis of the twins tells it all -> am opinionated !
One.
They keep tellin that I got it all in my head , they say its time of it to go -> the infatuation, the obsessions , the addictions , the confusion ...
Maybe its time for 'these' to go.
To be casted out till I got better had been coming.
They are fed up with the promises , the lies , the lack of belief. The decision is unanimous ~ rehabilitation for a month.
The feeling is hopeless , sad , _ feel pinned to the wall. Days will surely be darker.
They look convinced in their decision , . .
Can't lift my face to face the sky , it droops to the ground.
Thoughts are endless, non-conforming.
I used to be strong , atleast I thought I used to be.
Couldn't tell them bye, can't say a word till now.
For once I don't look to tomorrow , this walls will be my company.
Atleast I have my Blackberry for the moment.
Am afraid of the usual bouts between my brain and the mind.
And I hate it when the heart acts the peacemaker.
The heart suffers the more its quite weak.
They don't give me a pen , can't jot down the fight between the two , I'm sure to be more disturbed , more to think of it which is the reason of my seclusion.
My fingers always plaiting my afro , the best they can do.
I hope I could wonder if I'd be clean in the 4 weeks of rehab.
Obviously I need to be clean before commencement of the upcoming academic year.
Maybe I won't be thinking of it , won't be obsessed of it.
These twins , the brain and the mind should think alike and help their younger sister be hardy.
I can't afford to foretell what is to be but now I pity my heart, the arena to the battle øf the twins.
Posters on the walls read ' notice of eviction ' referring to 'it' in me.
I used to love sleep now am insomniac.
I never felt cold today I feeze continually.
Thoughts used to be clear, vivid now I struggle to hold a thought.
Its July 13 now 1. 31 am. Time's draggy.
I try to think positive , can't sit down I don't believe in this idea of they holding me in a cubicle for the month.
Wasn't born a champion, neither a believer but the crisis of the twins tells it all -> am opinionated !
One.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Africa's young Daughter.
'One does what God does'
Those without eyes must see the joy in South Sudan ,
They without vocal chords can be heard screaming in joy ,
Temples of ice must be vivid in this hot nation ,
Heavy metal kings must be making kingdoms out of the last daughter of Africa.
Demons must envy the favour accorded to the Sudannese by Allah.
Toast to the last daughter of Africa !
Let us bow our heads to these freedom winners,
Respects to they who died for their rights though belated ,
Without war without chaos nothing evolves _sincere SALUTE to you on your independence ,
Outlive the war find peace in planning your future ,
Let other nations teach you to how to bleed peacefully for your nation.
Peace to the last daughter of Africa.
There may be rage amongst you but let the shadows of the smiles and joy you have today prevail above vengence.
The acts of the enemy might still be stained on you but like the promise of freedom today let it flow warm into your hearts.
Pray that your leaders raise Africas youngest daughter into a young loveable woman.
Life is thicker than greed, thicker than money -no need to fight on that which can make you richer.
Love to the last daughter of Africa !
Its been a process ,
Its been slavery ,
Times must have been darkest ,
You must be tired , exhausted BUT ....
...Beyond pain , beyond the silence of death there is the sound of your anthem ~the sound of a new dawn.
Today we celebrate with you , congratulate you and wish your daughter fertility.
Failure/war /poor propaganda is no option ~ success is your destiny EMBRACE IT.
Life is yours for the taking, the present, this new start is a gift to you !
Peace , love , unity to Southern Sudan!
One.
Those without eyes must see the joy in South Sudan ,
They without vocal chords can be heard screaming in joy ,
Temples of ice must be vivid in this hot nation ,
Heavy metal kings must be making kingdoms out of the last daughter of Africa.
Demons must envy the favour accorded to the Sudannese by Allah.
Toast to the last daughter of Africa !
Let us bow our heads to these freedom winners,
Respects to they who died for their rights though belated ,
Without war without chaos nothing evolves _sincere SALUTE to you on your independence ,
Outlive the war find peace in planning your future ,
Let other nations teach you to how to bleed peacefully for your nation.
Peace to the last daughter of Africa.
There may be rage amongst you but let the shadows of the smiles and joy you have today prevail above vengence.
The acts of the enemy might still be stained on you but like the promise of freedom today let it flow warm into your hearts.
Pray that your leaders raise Africas youngest daughter into a young loveable woman.
Life is thicker than greed, thicker than money -no need to fight on that which can make you richer.
Love to the last daughter of Africa !
Its been a process ,
Its been slavery ,
Times must have been darkest ,
You must be tired , exhausted BUT ....
...Beyond pain , beyond the silence of death there is the sound of your anthem ~the sound of a new dawn.
Today we celebrate with you , congratulate you and wish your daughter fertility.
Failure/war /poor propaganda is no option ~ success is your destiny EMBRACE IT.
Life is yours for the taking, the present, this new start is a gift to you !
Peace , love , unity to Southern Sudan!
One.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Failure.
So smart then stupid , now am stuck with it
I am so unhappy , am that person who could have made it ,never did.
Hate this life ,I don't want to live but still I don't want to die.
I miss the times when I thought widely of possibilities , today I contemplate suicide.
Thinkin of reading the good book and talking to He above for a fancy.
I never made it , I never known why!
Today ,yester, tomorrow won't be any different ,
Another day I live with hope - the worst of virtues.
Meant to make it to the first lane , now the reverse is what they talk of.
Funny how the past never counts to the present , the today however repeats tomorrow as yester.
Am not spiritual anymore but I seek the miracles I hear of.
I never made it , I never known why!
Scars of desperation are tattooed all over my face ,
Am not payinn the devil rent but this life sure is hell ,
Once a heaven ,an oasis was provided by mother and father.
I want to feel sorrow but still am strong enough to look forward to takin a breathe of fresh air every other day. .
Still, I never made it , I never known why!
This is for the little I look forward to;
'I'm a great one , I will wake up every morning and hope to stop chasing dreams. [Dreams are pitiful visuals ].then try not to compare me to no one , acknowledge that I am him~ the one in control of my future.
Like any other- I am a candle I burn out , they all do . All to do is master a better way to a burn out!
Maybe i'll make it, maybe never but I will know why?
One.
I am so unhappy , am that person who could have made it ,never did.
Hate this life ,I don't want to live but still I don't want to die.
I miss the times when I thought widely of possibilities , today I contemplate suicide.
Thinkin of reading the good book and talking to He above for a fancy.
I never made it , I never known why!
Today ,yester, tomorrow won't be any different ,
Another day I live with hope - the worst of virtues.
Meant to make it to the first lane , now the reverse is what they talk of.
Funny how the past never counts to the present , the today however repeats tomorrow as yester.
Am not spiritual anymore but I seek the miracles I hear of.
I never made it , I never known why!
Scars of desperation are tattooed all over my face ,
Am not payinn the devil rent but this life sure is hell ,
Once a heaven ,an oasis was provided by mother and father.
I want to feel sorrow but still am strong enough to look forward to takin a breathe of fresh air every other day. .
Still, I never made it , I never known why!
This is for the little I look forward to;
'I'm a great one , I will wake up every morning and hope to stop chasing dreams. [Dreams are pitiful visuals ].then try not to compare me to no one , acknowledge that I am him~ the one in control of my future.
Like any other- I am a candle I burn out , they all do . All to do is master a better way to a burn out!
Maybe i'll make it, maybe never but I will know why?
One.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)